"Just buy another one, buddy," said a third from Collingwood as he scratched his balls. He eyed me suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not one of them? I'm not judging, mind you, but you seem pretty keen about this cleaning business."In the end, I just gave up.I went to the local department store and bought the newest cleaner straight off the rack. But when I got home, it didn't feel right. The tubing was too rough, the suction too consistent, and the whine too clinical and cold. The next day, I exchanged it for another one, but that wasn't not right either; too large to snuggle up against, and too cold and hard to have any sort of charm. I've been back to that store ten times, but it's always the same problem — it's not my old cleaner.At a certain point, I stopped being a mere customer and entered the realm of department store folklore. I'm the type of customer they talk about at orientation. Salespeople nudge each other and stifle sniggers as I trundle through to the returns section.. "I beg your pardon??? You could not have just said what I think you said."Two others came in. They picked me up and slammed me against the wall.I started bleeding again."You heard me." the interrogator snapped. "There is no excuse for you, and you'll be begging for a lot more than our pardon by the time we're through with you." Sure, and buffaloes write poetry." Tell me the master command code." I thought you scared Ashley into giving it to you." We thought we did too. Turns out she tricked us." Or she didn't know it." I replied, far too smugly for the position I was in.The two guys pressing me against the wall grabbed me, and shoved me into the opposite wall."Well, you do." Are you sure?" My, was I being the smart mouth today."We're sure." Good. Somebody make a note. This guy actually knows something."That upset the interrogator. He came up and punched me in my back.I screamed.The guys pinning my face to the wall flipped me over.The other guy smiled and held up his hand. It had a.
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